Momentum speed of life
its crazy at any given moment i can end it all. the pain , suffering, tears, stress but with every happy ending is a price. i kill myself now and i miss out on the good. but is the great moments in life really worth what we endure to get there. sometimes no. i could just cut myself and its over. no one ever cares until your dead. But even when your dead all you’ll do is rot in the memory of...
i just wanna feel alive smoke a cigarette get shit faced “live” for once live for me and not anyone else feel the drugs in my blood and my inhibitions leave my body. feel the sex rush through m veins not give a single fuck whats going on around me. To breathe and not wonder not regret not care! I was going to live and this time for me. who ever said being happy required people drugs do...
this was supposed to feel better.
i finished my last chemo on thursday and iexpected more. youd think id be happier but i dont feel happy. i feel like it was nothing. just another day in my life. I wanted a sense of relief, a moment where id cry more, or some sort of sign that it was over. But i cant seem to feel anything and thats the problem im not feeling anything or getting anything out of this. Four years ago i was told i had...
What should I feel?
What should I feel in this moment? A question I ask myself but search endlessly for the answer. Theres a million options to choose from we can choose to hurt and in doing so hurt those around us or we can choose to be happy. but how can you choose to be happy when it seems so much easier to be sad. it’s like were given the option but we know the answer. Some would say I’d rather hurt...
Why am i...
Memory a persons power to remember something. But what happens when you want to forget when you want erase that piece of time and kill off what is wrong. To a point if regret and hated that boils up in a way that you feel inhumane as to reason with your self why your even alive
Wounds left behind
Wound…an injury, usually involving division of tissue or rupture of the integument or mucous membrane, due to external violence… They say wounds heal right? But do they really? once its hashed your left with a scar. A reminder of what happened to you. So does it really heal? You have a weak spot un your skin in your soul in your mind.. Something you can’t erase sometimes its good...
So do I die now or later ? They say killing your self is selfish but i’m just trying to keep everyone from seeing the pain in my eyes. Id rsther be asleep at peace with my thoughts rather than suffering the minutes in every day. Its funny to think of suicide you put everything into perspective you think of whay you can accomplids by dying. But then you think of what can happen if you...
I just need to cry
I just have this feeling around me like somethings going to happen. I can’t sleep at night and I’m just anxious for the unknown… Why is it that were so scared for what’s coming for us ….. What have we done that we expect the bad. Maybe if we did good we’d expect good but we haven’t so we expect the shit we gave to come back and bite us in the ass
Why must I suffer ?!
If I feel the pain of what has happened to me I feel like dying how do you forget a disease that has taken years off and from your life? Some people say I just want sympathy but when there’s not a day that goes by that i’m reminded that battled you its hard to forget. Like stab wound that just won’t stop bleeding and to make the being stop you have to pour salt on it. I want to...
Is your life hard? ... Fuck off
The title says it all for me but I know it’s wrong. I feel like its hard for me every day just to see what people are out their doing while kids like me are in hospitals getting poked and prodded like a dead lab rat. When did it become okay for me to die over and over? I feel like a piece of my soul is taken away every day. You read about those murderers and rapist daily but do they have...
Where do I begin ?
Life changed for me the day I was diagnosed with cancer My view on life was different, every thing was different. I felt like life was over but in reality it was just fucking beginning!