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Momentum speed of life
its crazy at any given moment i can end it all. the pain , suffering, tears, stress but with every happy ending is a price. i kill myself now and i miss out on the good. but is the great moments in life really worth what we endure to get there. sometimes no. i could just cut myself and its over. no one ever cares until your dead. But even when your dead all you’ll do is rot in the memory of those “who cared” cause guess what no one cared when you were alive and no one will care when your dead. they’ll just pretend so that they can move right up a long the social ladder and take the spot you gave up because you were weak. Suicide is a sin but are we really sinning when we just wanted the real suffering to begin. is giving someone the social satisfaction of you dying really worth it?
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feel alive
i just wanna feel alive smoke a cigarette get shit faced “live” for once live for me and not anyone else feel the drugs in my blood and my inhibitions leave my body. feel the sex rush through m veins not give a single fuck whats going on around me. To breathe and not wonder not regret not care! I was going to live and this time for me. who ever said being happy required people drugs do a great job them selves. love is weakness and being alone is much better than caring what other think. yeah its four in the morning “but who gives a single fuck”
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What should I feel?
What should I feel in this moment? A question I ask myself but search endlessly for the answer. Theres a million options to choose from we can choose to hurt and in doing so hurt those around us or we can choose to be happy. but how can you choose to be happy when it seems so much easier to be sad. it’s like were given the option but we know the answer. Some would say I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all I’d rather be numb and
feel no pain
No happiness
No love
To feel nothing at all would be the way to survive. And to feel nothing at all is the price to pay for a sound mind. I would skip every happy day of my life because I know I will live a million hardships that dont even compare to a thousand smiles. -
Why am i…
Memory a persons power to remember something. But what happens when you want to forget when you want erase that piece of time and kill off what is wrong. To a point if regret and hated that boils up in a way that you feel inhumane as to reason with your self why your even alive
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Wounds left behind
Wound…an injury, usually involving division of tissue or rupture of the integument or mucous membrane, due to external violence… They say wounds heal right? But do they really? once its hashed your left with a scar. A reminder of what happened to you. So does it really heal? You have a weak spot un your skin in your soul in your mind.. Something you can’t erase sometimes its good but even good has it’s bad.what do you do when wrong becomes right and right becomes wrong.. Like the way two negatives make a positive. your soul is now weaker its never the same you can work to get it back to normal but even then you could’ve had more life to it so what do you do…you let your eyes adjust to the darkness inside you
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Suicide together?
So do I die now or later ? They say killing your self is selfish but i’m just trying to keep everyone from seeing the pain in my eyes. Id rsther be asleep at peace with my thoughts rather than suffering the minutes in every day. Its funny to think of suicide you put everything into perspective you think of whay you can accomplids by dying. But then you think of what can happen if you live.
Simply by choosing to be the bigger person you have already changed into a person stronger than others you become something you weren’t before …I think you become the real you -
I just need to cry
I just have this feeling around me like somethings going to happen. I can’t sleep at night and I’m just anxious for the unknown… Why is it that were so scared for what’s coming for us …..
What have we done that we expect the bad. Maybe if we did good we’d expect good but we haven’t so we expect the shit we gave to come back and bite us in the ass -
Is your life hard? … Fuck off
The title says it all for me but I know it’s wrong. I feel like its hard for me every day just to see what people are out their doing while kids like me are in hospitals getting poked and prodded like a dead lab rat. When did it become okay for me to die over and over? I feel like a piece of my soul is taken away every day. You read about those murderers and rapist daily but do they have cancer?! Let me answer that “no!” why do I have to sit through a spinal taps and bone marrow aspirations while a serial killer just gets to go free (sometimes)? But one day I woke up! I can’t sit here a fucking complain all day. I have a life for god sakes I’m still alive ! And yet some how I have the gall to sit here and complain about living? I’m crazy I see that I have some thing to be greatfull for and it’s the fact that I’m breathing. One thing my aunt told me was “remember some where out there some one has it worse.” which is so true! I have cancer but some where out there some one just died from cancer. I see that I find myself sitting in bed wanting to just die which seems so easy cause ive been close before but I can’t I have to live for those who couldn’t those who didn’t have a chance those who didn’t get a good bye those who could not love. And I have to see that! You have to be your own motivation you have push yourself to do alot more than you think. You can’t sit here a dwell on what’s killing you but you have to feed on whats pushing you to fail. Feed on your weaknesses and use them to fuel you confidence. Fuel yourself into a life you deserve because you are worth it and you deserve better you are the only you and you have to remember that you can not and will not be replaced !
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Where do I begin ?
Life changed for me the day I was diagnosed with cancer
My view on life was different, every thing was different. I felt like life was over but in reality it was just fucking beginning!
