What should I feel in this moment? A question I ask myself but search endlessly for the answer. Theres a million options to choose from we can choose to hurt and in doing so hurt those around us or we can choose to be happy. but how can you choose to be happy when it seems so much easier to be sad. it’s like were given the option but we know the answer. Some would say I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all I’d rather be numb and
feel no pain
To feel nothing at all would be the way to survive. And to feel nothing at all is the price to pay for a sound mind. I would skip every happy day of my life because I know I will live a million hardships that dont even compare to a thousand smiles.
The title says it all for me but I know it’s wrong. I feel like its hard for me every day just to see what people are out their doing while kids like me are in hospitals getting poked and prodded like a dead lab rat. When did it become okay for me to die over and over? I feel like a piece of my soul is taken away every day. You read about those murderers and rapist daily but do they have cancer?! Let me answer that “no!” why do I have to sit through a spinal taps and bone marrow aspirations while a serial killer just gets to go free (sometimes)? But one day I woke up! I can’t sit here a fucking complain all day. I have a life for god sakes I’m still alive ! And yet some how I have the gall to sit here and complain about living? I’m crazy I see that I have some thing to be greatfull for and it’s the fact that I’m breathing. One thing my aunt told me was “remember some where out there some one has it worse.” which is so true! I have cancer but some where out there some one just died from cancer. I see that I find myself sitting in bed wanting to just die which seems so easy cause ive been close before but I can’t I have to live for those who couldn’t those who didn’t have a chance those who didn’t get a good bye those who could not love. And I have to see that! You have to be your own motivation you have push yourself to do alot more than you think. You can’t sit here a dwell on what’s killing you but you have to feed on whats pushing you to fail. Feed on your weaknesses and use them to fuel you confidence. Fuel yourself into a life you deserve because you are worth it and you deserve better you are the only you and you have to remember that you can not and will not be replaced !